RF


it has been so, so long

Posted on January 12th at 00:20:08

we started in the fall

i have watched the leaves
change from a different window
every year since 2009

i have shed a different layer
of skin each time, peeling
away the remnants of 
apartments, of beds, of
hospital rooms

every autumn i breathe
in a new beginning and
the scent of you is
mixed in like rain
before it falls

this is how it will stay 
until there is nothing left 
for me to breathe in

Posted on September 30th at 22:27:00 with 2 notes
rejects corner  spilled ink  poetry  

i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you. i feel lighter and lighter each time i say it and you say it back, smiling, glowing. there are half-full bags and paintings all over the floor of our new studio apartment but this is the most at-home i’ve ever felt. thank you for loving me, thank you for making a home with me, out of me. 

Posted on August 24th at 13:15:52

inspection

i.

it’s true

that i am afraid for you to

love me, 

that i can’t write poems 

with you around, with “it’s

okay. it’s okay. we’re okay,”

leaking from your mouth like

sap, sticky and sweet

and vital. 

the foundations i had laid for

myself are old, are cracked,

dangerous. floorboards in a

second story where termites

have made a home. you 

have fallen through me

before. 

ii.

it’s true 

that i am a house you have

built again,

that my trying it alone was not 

nearly good enough. you

have reconstructed shattered

glass and shattered frames and

shattered hearts;

an architect with not only an

eye for potential, but a hunger for

it.  you sank your teeth into mine

recklessly.

iii.

it’s true

that you have made a home from me, 

within me, 

a place welcome and warm and full

of light. my heart is a bay window that

looks on to only you and a world that

we will conquer together. it took loving

you to realize that i was not a one-man

job, that i was not a project, that i was a

story needing reviving. i allowed you

to fill the cracks beneath me and it

was much more beautiful than me

trying to lift myself and 

crumbling. 

Posted on August 8th at 00:08:00 with 13 notes
poetry  love poems  spilled ink  rejects corner  

"You, on top of me, heavy, immense,
and I, feeling so light."

“We Lay Down and the Pain Let Up” by Vera Pavlova (via littlemoth)
Posted on August 5th at 10:35:00 with 496 notes via , source

each night we curl ourselves
into shapes that humor a bed that 
is too small for two, and i can’t tell if i
hate the way my neck feels at 9 am or
if i love the way we are always touching,
always exchanging heat,
always laying together like we will never
have the chance to 
again. 

soon enough we will share the first 
bed we ever laid in together. they call
it a full, and i never understood why it 
held such a name until the night i gave all
of myself to you within it, or touched 
my ear to your chest and heard my 
name in your heartbeat. four  
years later and we are starting a life
together that i cannot run from,
will not ever want to run from,
and it makes me feel more
full than any mattress or tongue
ever will. 

Posted on August 5th at 00:50:00 with 11 notes
love poems  rejects corner  spilled ink  

it has been three months since i’ve written, three months since i’ve opened myself up enough to see things around me in a way i never wanted to forget how. 

in these past three months, i’ve (i) battled an eating disorder for the third (and hopefully final) time, (ii) attended two music festivals, (iii) spent nearly a month in southern california, (iv) drove from connecticut to michigan, (v) prepared myself for a move into an apartment that is mine. i’ve worked, and i’ve loved, and i’ve complained about the recent lack of stimuli i’ve endured. i’ve realized that stimuli is not the issue, because i’ve had experiences some people never will, and i am loved the way some have never been, and am luckier than so, so many others. i’ve realized i am the problem, and i hope to improve. i hope that i breathe in the air of the things i’m doing in my life, the things i’ve done, and translate them into words. 

i’ve had the same journal since 2011, and i’ve decided i need something fresh, something new, to motivate me. blank pages to fill. today i am buying a new journal, and will write. 

Posted on July 19th at 14:23:35 with 2 notes

what is it like to feel comfortable within your own skin? recently i have chewed my nails down to nothing, gorged myself on water, and succumbed to my own negativity. it is a battle, but i am learning how to love myself, progressively. 

Posted on April 19th at 00:51:00 with 8 notes
me  nudity  its just a body  this is my face  

"You have my permission not to love me;
I am a cathedral of deadbolts
and I’d rather burn myself down
than change the locks."

Rachel McKibbens, “Letter From My Brain To My Heart”  (via verkur)
Posted on April 4th at 22:04:32 with 22,641 notes via , source

drowning & defeated

Posted on April 3rd at 14:33:12